The Beginning of the End of Procrastination..... (And most likely the beginning of some more as well.)

So here it is. The first entry into the diary of all diary's.

I have procrastinated so damn much over the past few years about picking up writing again, that It took me getting into debt to decide to get off my ass and start doing something productive.

I'm most likely going to be off to a rocky start, considering that my past 3 years in the Marine Corps, (which has been spent mostly swilling alcohol down my throat hole, and beating my liver senseless) has left me, without a shadow of a doubt, absolutely fucking brain dead.But fear not my loyal, future fans! In due time my sentence structure will no doubt become more streamlined then a brand new Maserati. ( I had to spell check Maserati..... told you my brains were shit.) Now then, enough nonsensical complaining about my blatant alcoholism, I'm sure you are here to read something far more entertaining. Before we can get to the balls of this long, and no doubt, thoroughly entertaining story, how about a little foreplay;My full name Is John Alan Moore II ( Yes the "second" not JR, my father is narcissistic, sue me.) I was born in Coral Springs, FL and raised in the amazingly wondrous Saint Cloud, FL. I hope you caught my sarcasm there, that was your first test. SC is in fact anything but wondrous. The best part about it is the stupid community college girls running around blowing anything that moves, and its fairly close vicinity to: center-of-the-fucking-universe, Orlando. Now before any successful story, something completely terrible has to happen before something even relatively good happens. Almost like physics, except..... not really.

Just so you can get a good feel for how absolutely shitty my pre-pubescent years were, I have decided to give you a single story just to set the mood for this entire blog. (excuse me If my typing gets a little vulgar here I occasionally need to let my "real nigga" out in order to properly tell this particular anecdote.

When I was about twelve years old I thought I was the baddest mother fucker alive. I talked shit like Muhammad Ali on steroids, before the Parkinson's. The only problem is, I stood about 4'11 and weighed in at a "solid" 160 Lbs. One night, after begging my parents to go out to the local ice skating rink for about seven and a half hours. I got in a mild argument with a real fucking winner. the kid was at least sixteen years old, 145 Lbs and had clearly reached puberty way before my fat ass managed to. After challenging him to fisticuffs in the local bathroom for about 30 minutes, I finally managed to get him mad enough to fight me. The really funny thing about this Is, I was scared for my life. Because with as much shit as I talked, to as many people as I did, I had never been in an actual fight before.....

Let me take a break here to read your thoughts quickly. You are right now either, A) scrolling to the back button to find something else to read. B) Think this is a waste of your time because of the generically drafted tale. OR C) are pissed that I took this break in the story in order to recapture everyone's attention. Just a precautionary measure to keep everyone on the same page, because I assure you, this does not end at all like you think it is going to.

So with my knees shaking, I swallow my pride, and follow the (justly, mind you) testosterone enraged, mongoloid to the bathroom. He stands back and like a gentleman allows me to have the first swing, and without any knowledge on how to fight at this point in my life, I begin to throw a pissy, girlish like tantrum, feebly trying to unleash some sort of damage on his face. This immediately turned into the following scene which to this day still rolls out like a set of photographs to me;

1) While flailing my arms around like a retard, I hear a sort of chuckling sound.

2) Upon looking up I realize I am looking into a giant oncoming fist.

3) After being punched hard as shit directly in my fucking eyeball, i stumble back into the trashcan/backwall.

4) My meatball like shape and size do not let me recover fast enough to defend myself properly.

5) I see a black and white converse coming at the lower end of my stomach, which upon impact presses me up against the wall.

6) My bowls start rumbling....

7) He pushes me harder against the wall and the boyish sounding words that I will never forget to this day came out of my mouth. " OH SHIT DUDE! IM GONNA SHIT!"

I managed to break free from the wall, and make a break for the stall that was directly adjacent to us. But before I could get my pants unbuttoned completely, Fucking disaster. I fucking shit EVERYWHERE. Ladies and gentleman when I say everywhere I mean EVERYWHERE. My pants were completely filled with a sloshy, dark brown, bile like substance that smelled like rotting placenta. There was a trail leading from the wall all the way to the cheesy, plastic, black, and white checkered stall. Sitting in the stall completely ashamed of what had I happened, I heard Hysterical laughter. To my disdain, the guy had ran out and grabbed all of his friends who proceeded to climb over the stall and spit on me, while I was frantically trying to clean myself off. I grew bitter, but then I got a little older and a little wiser and realized that It was probably a well deserved ass whooping. I just think Its sad that someone could reach the absolute lowest point in there life In the sixth grade.

As ridiculous as that story was, I can guarantee things have gotten tons better for me. This little story was simply an introduction to the early years of my life, so you can come to understand my slow rise to power, and inevitable triumph over every fucking person I meet. On a serious note this was a test run. I can promise a lot better content as I go, I just need to get back into that little concept of basic grammar, spelling and creativity. Ill be posting some drunken rants and other things. Its all depending on what the people want and as for right now..... this entire page is empty so I guess we can just see how It goes.

Peace out everyone